All right, let's go. I've got a lot to say and little bandwidth to say it. If you've been paying any attention whatsoever, you'd have noticed that I skipped a week of recounting my Little Tokyo adventures. Truth be told, I had to take a week off to prepare myself for what I was about to do: submerge myself in enemy territory. That's right, I was busy drawing up battle plans for a trip to Lee Ann Chin, located right next to Little Tokyo in the Eden Prairie Center. You must understand, my followers, that I couldn't tell you of my intentions ahead of time for risk of sabotaging the whole thing.
Let me just preface by saying: Holy shit. School's out for summer, folks! If my next visit is this full of booger-faced brats I might have to put the blog on hiatus for the rest of the season. Ye-ow!!
But I digress. On to the purpose of this entry! In order to make sure I never take the Toke for granted (because, like all things on this rock we call home, nothing will last forever...) I decided to put myself at risk of bodily harm by ordering a meal at Lee Ann Chin's. Following this paragraph, you will see a brief synopsis of my adventure, followed by a score for each category that I just blatantly made up on the spot.
First off, the server asked me what I wanted. +5 points for Lee Ann Chin's. They also asked if I wanted a soda or not, so there's another +5 points. The Toke was already in a deep hole...which led me to ask: "Are you watching, George???" Next, I took a seat with my meal at a table near Lee Ann Chin's. Soon, a woman with her six children all planted down next to me. The woman was yelling to not sit in the chairs until she wiped them off, causing one of the children to cry. -30 points to Lee Ann Chin for attracting these types of people to sit near their restaurant. I don't care if they all had McDonald's.
After getting up and moving to the other side of the food court, I found myself with some time to finally try my meal. The fried rice was barf-worthy. Actually, maybe by barfing it up it might actually look/taste more appealing. -100 points. The teriyaki chicken had a texture like old rubber and tasted worse, while the sesame chicken was smothered in some sort of mystery sauce that looked like that orange-brown film from the Gulf oil spill. -500 points.
I was about to dump this god-awful trash where it belonged, when something caught my eye: a fortune cookie. I almost forgot these existed, what with the Toke never offering up such a scrumptious dessert! +10 points to Lee Ann's. I tore open the cellophane package and busted the crumbly cookie in half, taking out that slip of paper as if it were a sheaf of gold. I'll tell you what, I've been waiting my entire life to have that magical movie-like moment of reading that slip of paper and seeing my future mapped out for me from that point on. So, let's see what the Fates, in their infinite wisdom, have chosen for my own fortune:
"A difference, to be a difference, must make a difference."
-1,000,000 points.
So where does that leave Lee Ann? Let's see...in my very fair comparison, it looks like Lee Ann stands at a well-deserved -1,000,610. Well done, Lee Ann. Now let me go do my best "pre-teen girl with bulimia" impersonation.
BLECCCHHHH!!!
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